Why Do I Have So Much More Anger Than I Used To?
Lately, it seems more and more people are reporting feeling more irritation, frustration, and anger than in the past. Is it the pandemic? Being stuck at home more? What is causing this?
Well, the answer to that is often more complicated that you would think. You see, anger is what we therapist’s like to call “a covering emotion.” Think of an umbrella with anger as the umbrella and all the other emotions under the umbrella (see image above). When looking at the umbrella all you see is anger, which is often what happens in relationships as well, but in reality that person has a complex mix of other emotions just under the surface of that such as sadness, anxiety, shame, feeling worthless, powerless, or hopeless, fear, jealousy, feelings of abandonment, rejection, feeling judged, disconnected from those you love, feeling misunderstood, and like you do not matter to those most important to you, just to name a few.
It is also important to keep in mind that the reason many of us like anger, is that it feels strong and powerful where other emotions feel vulnerable maybe even weak and we often fear exposing these emotions to others in case they are not trust worthy and hurt us, so instead we hide these emotions.
Why Is It Important That Anger Is A Covering Emotion? How Does Knowing That Help Me?
It is helpful to know that anger is a covering emotion as the only way to truly reduce anger is to address the cause which is what triggered it and the emotions it covers up. Otherwise, you can calm yourself, but the anger comes back. Anger management techniques can definitely help to manage this strong emotion, but to truly heal and reduce anger- it’s cause must be addressed. This may be something that can be done with some self reflection or you may need the help of a counselor. It often helps to have an outside perspective whether this is a family member, friend, or counselor.
I hope this helps you find some of the answers to your questions around why you might be feeling more angry lately and also helps you decide whether you may want to seek out a counselor. If you are still feeling stuck feel free to call me at (707) 954- 7060 for a free 15 minute consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person to help you. If you are looking for help with anger, anxiety, depression, or trauma, you can read more about how I can help here.