I Get So Angry Sometimes And The Reaction Does Not Even Make Sense To Me, What Can I Do?

Have you ever had a quick reaction of anger to a situation that didn’t even make sense to you? Like you know your over reacting, but that doesn’t help you calm down! And how can you help people around you understand when they ask what is wrong, when you don’t understand it?

So What Can I Do?

1. The first thing you can do is figure out what the trigger is or what the anger is in response to. Anger at it’s root is a way of saying “no” to something or “stop.” It’s telling people you do not like something that is happening. This is also often connected to attachment hurts with important people in our lives where we felt rejected or judged. It also can often relate to boundaries or limits we have set being crossed.

2. Once you know the trigger, you can figure out what from your past connects to this. This is often helpful to do with a therapist as this can be hard to figure out sometimes.

3. Then you need to figure out what things can help to soothe your anger, but also the other emotions that you become aware of as you identify the trigger and memories connected to it. This may mean positive relaxing activities or soothing your five senses. Soothing your five senses is often very important as when we get upset we can become agitated or easily irritated and soothing sights, smells, touches, tastes, and things we can hear can really help. It can also be important to find ways to release anger through releasing body or emotional tension.

4. It is also important to find ways to address the triggers and memories and many types of therapy can help with this such as CBT, Somatic Approaches, or EMDR. One of my favorite is EMDR as it can really help connect a pattern in your life to all the triggers and memories and help you reprocess them from being very upsetting to not being upsetting and being part of the past rather than something that keeps showing up.

   I hope this information helps you understand how anger is about much more than simply being angry or losing your temper and often connects to triggers or things from our pasts. If you are interested in learning more about trauma work or EMDR in general you can find out more about the EMDR or other approaches I use here. If you are interested in the EMDR Intensives I do you can find out more about them here. If you are just feeling stuck and have questions, please feel free to call me at (707) 954- 7060 for a free 15 minute consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is going on for you and to help direct you to the right person to help you.

Why Do I Have So Much More Anger Than I Used To?

Lately, it seems more and more people are reporting feeling more irritation, frustration, and anger than in the past. Is it the pandemic? Being stuck at home more? What is causing this?

Well, the answer to that is often more complicated that you would think. You see, anger is what we therapist’s like to call “a covering emotion.” Think of an umbrella with anger as the umbrella and all the other emotions under the umbrella (see image above). When looking at the umbrella all you see is anger, which is often what happens in relationships as well, but in reality that person has a complex mix of other emotions just under the surface of that such as sadness, anxiety, shame, feeling worthless, powerless, or hopeless, fear, jealousy, feelings of abandonment, rejection, feeling judged, disconnected from those you love, feeling misunderstood, and like you do not matter to those most important to you, just to name a few.

It is also important to keep in mind that the reason many of us like anger, is that it feels strong and powerful where other emotions feel vulnerable maybe even weak and we often fear exposing these emotions to others in case they are not trust worthy and hurt us, so instead we hide these emotions.

Why Is It Important That Anger Is A Covering Emotion? How Does Knowing That Help Me?

It is helpful to know that anger is a covering emotion as the only way to truly reduce anger is to address the cause which is what triggered it and the emotions it covers up. Otherwise, you can calm yourself, but the anger comes back. Anger management techniques can definitely help to manage this strong emotion, but to truly heal and reduce anger- it’s cause must be addressed. This may be something that can be done with some self reflection or you may need the help of a counselor. It often helps to have an outside perspective whether this is a family member, friend, or counselor.

I hope this helps you find some of the answers to your questions around why you might be feeling more angry lately and also helps you decide whether you may want to seek out a counselor. If you are still feeling stuck feel free to call me at (707) 954- 7060 for a free 15 minute consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person to help you. If you are looking for help with anger, anxiety, depression, or trauma, you can read more about how I can help here.