Five Things You Can Do When The Past Doesn’t Stay In the Past
Have you ever had something happen to you whether it was a big event or small event, and felt “why am I not over this yet?” or “why does this keep coming up?” This is often because we feel others expect us to get over it or we expect it of ourselves. This is not surprising as many view mental health like physical health. If you break your leg , you wear a cast, heal, and move on. If you are hurt mentally though, your injury is invisible and others may think you are “ok” when you are not. Like a broken leg, people often think , “ok, you’ve been depressed for six weeks, now you should be healed.” Mental health does not work like this. There is no time table as everyone heals at their own pace. There also is no my “pain” is not as bad as someone else’s so “I should be healed by now.” Healing is more complex than than that and depends on things like your strengths, emotional wounds, and your support system.
So What Can I Do To Help Myself Heal?
Increase Your Support System Or Be More Open With Your Support System About What You Need. A good circle of support is essential to the healing process. A lack of a good support system is a contributing factor to people developing PSTD when they have experienced trauma. One thing that can increase your support system is a support group or self help group.
Work On Distinguishing The Past From The Present And Be Aware Of When The Past Is Interfering In The Present or Your Relationships. I often hear others say I “freaked out for no reason.” This is not really true, your past was triggered by a present event. Being aware of this pattern can help you to change it.
Learn Coping Skills To Help Regulate Your Emotions When You Get Triggered. There are many great coping skills that can help- grounding, deep breathing, learning to shift from one emotional state to another, learning to contain emotions that feel too big, and shifting from negative beliefs about yourself like “it’s my fault” to positive beliefs, just to name a few.
If The People That Hurt You Are Still In Your Life, Consider If Limiting Contact Would Be Helpful. This may or may not be helpful given the situation, but especially when trying to heal it can be important as prior to healing their presence can be very triggering.
Consider If Counseling May Help. The above steps can also be done in counseling, but specifically resolving traumas you are struggling to get past or feel continue to impact you each day can be helpful to do in therapy. There are also types of therapy that specialize in this, including TFCBT (Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which you can find out more about here. My favorite is EMDR as it tends to work more quickly to resolve traumas and build strengths. TFCBT can also be helpful especially for children and their caregivers that want to know how to help support them.
I hope this helps begin your healing process. If you are interested in counseling, I hope this helps you find the right therapist, whether you are interested in doing in person counseling or online therapy. If you are still feeling stuck feel free to call me at (707) 954- 7060 for a free 15 minute consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person to help you. If you are looking for help with anxiety counseling, depression counseling, or trauma or PTSD counseling, you can read more about how I help here.