I Get So Angry Sometimes And The Reaction Does Not Even Make Sense To Me, What Can I Do?

Have you ever had a quick reaction of anger to a situation that didn’t even make sense to you? Like you know your over reacting, but that doesn’t help you calm down! And how can you help people around you understand when they ask what is wrong, when you don’t understand it?

So What Can I Do?

1. The first thing you can do is figure out what the trigger is or what the anger is in response to. Anger at it’s root is a way of saying “no” to something or “stop.” It’s telling people you do not like something that is happening. This is also often connected to attachment hurts with important people in our lives where we felt rejected or judged. It also can often relate to boundaries or limits we have set being crossed.

2. Once you know the trigger, you can figure out what from your past connects to this. This is often helpful to do with a therapist as this can be hard to figure out sometimes.

3. Then you need to figure out what things can help to soothe your anger, but also the other emotions that you become aware of as you identify the trigger and memories connected to it. This may mean positive relaxing activities or soothing your five senses. Soothing your five senses is often very important as when we get upset we can become agitated or easily irritated and soothing sights, smells, touches, tastes, and things we can hear can really help. It can also be important to find ways to release anger through releasing body or emotional tension.

4. It is also important to find ways to address the triggers and memories and many types of therapy can help with this such as CBT, Somatic Approaches, or EMDR. One of my favorite is EMDR as it can really help connect a pattern in your life to all the triggers and memories and help you reprocess them from being very upsetting to not being upsetting and being part of the past rather than something that keeps showing up.

   I hope this information helps you understand how anger is about much more than simply being angry or losing your temper and often connects to triggers or things from our pasts. If you are interested in learning more about trauma work or EMDR in general you can find out more about the EMDR or other approaches I use here. If you are interested in the EMDR Intensives I do you can find out more about them here. If you are just feeling stuck and have questions, please feel free to call me at (707) 954- 7060 for a free 15 minute consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is going on for you and to help direct you to the right person to help you.

5 Things Family and Friends Can Do To Help While I Work On Healing

Your first response might be to say they can’t help as healing is personal to each person and a journey we each have to do for ourselves. However, while this may be true in some ways there are actually things important people in your life can do to help.

Things That Are Helpful:

1. Gently support them and ask the person doing the work what would be helpful. Continuing through life as if the work they are doing is not difficult or taxing is not helpful. Validating the work they are doing as important and expressing being proud of them can help too.

2. Be understanding that the work they are doing may leave them tired. Especially if they are doing work like Eye Movement Desensitization or Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) where they are reprocessing memories which means their brain is working hard to make sense of past memories and traumas. This is even more true if they are doing an EMDR Intensive or multiple hours of EMDR in one day.

3. Be genuine, if you are unable to be supportive, encourage them to be around others who can be supportive as you work on your own things.

4. Consider if doing a couples or family session may be helpful to better understand the work they are doing.

5. If there are relationship issues, it often makes sense to hold off on addressing them until after trauma work as doing it during trauma work just tends to trigger past traumas and makes it hard to resolve current issues.

I hope this information helps you understand how best to support a loved one that is doing trauma work or if you are the one doing trauma work, helps you explain to a loved one what you need. I also hope it helps you feel like trauma work is more doable with this support. If you are interested in learning more about trauma work or EMDR in general you can find out more about the EMDR or other approaches I use here. If you are interested in the EMDR Intensives I do you can find out more about them here. If you are just feeling stuck and have questions, please feel free to call me at (707) 954- 7060 for a free 15 minute consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is going on for you and to help direct you to the right person to help you.

What Is An EMDR Intensive?

Have you ever wished for a faster way to work through past hurts and traumas? I am sure many people have. EMDR Intensives are essentially longer sessions of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy), instead of an hour, they are often 3 hours or 6 hours which allows you to get more done in less time. Let me tell you about the four things I love about this approach.

Four Things I Love About EMDR Intensives and How They Can Help You Heal

1. The first thing I love about EMDR Intensives is that it allows you do to a large chunk of trauma work in one day. If you are wondering what EMDR is, it’s a type of trauma therapy that reduces how upsetting past memories are and has a body and attachment focus which can help calm your brain and body and help you feel more able to connect to others as you begin to heal. If you would like more information on EMDR, you can click here.

2. The second thing I love about EMDR Intensives is that by doing EMDR as an intensive, this lets you feel better faster, which I’m sure is something we all want. There is no need to wait to see the changes you have wished for so long.

3. The third thing I love about EMDR Intensives is that an EMDR intensive can be the big bang that gets everything moving or it can be in addition to what therapy you are already doing. It can also for some people be their preferred way of doing therapy. Either way, doing an EMDR intensive can provide the results that usually take months of individual weekly sessions in just a few days.

4. The fourth thing I love about EMDR Intensives is that there is time for a deep dive. You get to cut out all that pressure of doing everything in an hour. This allows so much more to be accomplished.

I hope this information helps you decide if an EMDR Intensive is right for you. It is also true though that each EMDR Intensive therapist may work a little differently so it is important to find someone that is a good fit for you in Eureka, CA. If you are still feeling stuck, please feel free to call me at (707) 954-7060 for a free 15 minute consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is going on for you and to help direct you to the right person to help you. If you are looking for anxiety counseling, depression counseling, or trauma informed counseling, you can read more about how I help here. If you want to know more about my intensives, you can read more about them here.

I Know I’ve Had Some Bad Experiences In The Past, But Why Is It So Hard To Be Present With Those I Care About Now?

This is a great question. The answer though is a little complicated. When we have hurtful experiences we often develop anxiety or depression or we can even have memories intruding on the present or be having flashbacks where the past event feels like it is happening again. This, as you can imagine, makes it hard to focus or concentrate on the present moment, leaving the present moment feeling hazy, unclear, or unfocused. There may even be fight, flight, or freeze survival responses being triggered by reminders of the past event(s) that make it even harder to stay present.

It could even be you are experiencing something we call dissociation. Dissociation is a protective thing our brains do to “check out” of an overwhelming situation and limit how much information we take in. This often happens when survival responses are not an option. Such as when in danger and you want to fight or run away, but feel this would put you or someone you care about in more danger so instead you mentally “go away.” Children often do this as they often are unable to fight or run away due to their size or other elements. If you can’t get out, the only other choice sometimes is to check out. The difficulty is once your brain starts doing this, it continues to do it and it gets easily over time to quickly check out more often.

So What Can I Do To Not Check Out?

The good news is there are techniques to help you stay more present, but the bad news is they are hard to do on your own. I know I probably sound like a therapist saying this, but this is a complex issue that usually needs the guidance of a therapist. And not just any therapist, but one trained in dissociation. This is because it is hard to use a strategy when you are already checked out. For that reason, when working with someone with this issue, it is often important for them to identify a support person that can coach them on the techniques, at least initially. Later, after you have more practice, it becomes easier to do this for yourself. The strategies themselves are often easy to implement. They usually involve noticing your environment around you or how you feel in your body. This tends to bring you back. I suggest if you are going to try this though that it is done first with your therapist in case there are triggers you need to be aware of. For example, many who have experienced trauma have difficulty being aware of their body and this itself can be a trigger.

I hope this helps you better understand why it might be so hard to stay present, focus, or concentrate after having a hurtful experience. If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to call me at (707) 954- 7060 for a free 15 minute consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening for you and help direct you to the right person to help you. If you are looking for anxiety counseling, depression counseling, or trauma focused therapy, you can read more about how I can help here.